12 minute read
About a year ago I was at a men's retreat with my church. While I was there, I felt a call to go back into mission work. I wasn’t sure to what extent, but I strongly felt the calling. I had a few conversations with God that weekend. My recurring conversation was mainly me telling God that you know, without question, I am willing. Lord, I need you to place this on Deb’s (my wifes) heart. I left my decision there and would continue to pray about it without telling Deb. The following Sunday we had a guest speaker, the same one from the retreat that week. In the car after church Deb asked me if I would pray. She said that she felt God tell her we are being called into missions and wanted me to pray about it. Holding back tears I let her know about my conversations that weekend with God. Mainly that I prayed all weekend that he would put it on her heart. Over the next few months we talked and prayed about it. Never knowing what it would look like.
Fast forward a few months. I walked into a new Starbucks in our city and looked at the photos on the wall. Out of nowhere a floodgate of emotions and memories hit me all at once. I was back in one of my photo shows looking at my photos on display. All the stories and feelings I had from each photo were telling me to come back and tell their stories. I went back into the car holding back tears telling Deb what happened and how I felt we really need to start praying about missions. We decided to get a book about a couple in ministry and their journey that we heard about. We started reading it individually and then getting together to discuss and pray. It brought up some things to think about but didn’t really fit our situation. We reached out to a few friends telling them what was going on and asked them to pray. Sadly we still didn’t know what we were to do
A couple months later Deb had a vision
Our family was in a raft going down a river. I was up front with my arms over our three boys while she was in the back rowing. She saw a beach up ahead and thought perhaps God was going to be giving us a time of rest. We reached the beach but instead of a time of rest, God asked her to throw the oar and a bag of belongings on the beach. When she did, she then came up front with me and the boys. We both had one hand over the kids and the other hand reached into the water on either side of the raft. As we were riding along down stream, a hand came out from the depths of the water and held our hand on either side. Soon more and more hands began to link up and form what looked like wings on either side of the raft. Up ahead was a huge waterfall and as we were launched over the waterfall those wings caused us to fly over what looked like tropical land below us.
I didn’t know what to think about this. I was overjoyed, curious and confused all at the same time. We shared with a couple people asking them to pray about this with us. I started praying over this trying to figure out what it ment. How do I go about this with a family? I know how to do this on my own but not with a wife or even more with kids. I started looking into different non profits that might offer a school for kids. I looked a little into Youth With A Mission (YWAM) as I knew they had a school for kids in Hawaii. I tried using this as a reference even though this was actually not a place I wanted to go. I found out Mercy Ships has a school for kids on the ship and started to look into them. Still not finding where we felt like we were to fit in.
I continued to pray daily about what our future was going to look like. I remembered asking God ‘do you want me to start a new branch of our men's Bible study here in North Fargo to make it more accessible during winter for people?’. I wondered what that would look like. As I talked with God I remembered just wanting some guidance. I told him I do not have to go to a 3rd world location like I used to serve, I will be happy right here in Fargo. Just please tell me what I am going to do.
A few days later I saw a post talking about a live stream of the Celebration of Life Ceremony for Loren Cunningham the following week. I instantly felt a tug that I needed to be there and help. I told Deb about this service and asked her if she was alright with me offering my technical expertise to help. She knew that Loren Cunningham had a large impact on my life and what this would mean to me. She agreed that if it was wanted and expenses were provided I could go. Thankfully her parents were in town so they could help her with our kids if I was away. I messaged a friend on staff with YWAM in Kona asking if he can put me in touch with whoever was in charge of the live stream. An hour later I was sent a name and phone number. I made a call introducing myself and offering my services. He didn’t really know what to think but knew that if Loren was there he would say yes. I was told that he had to talk with a few people to see what they thought. The next day I got a message telling me that they would like it if I could come with my 360 video equipment. I instantly looked up at Deb and told her that I just got a text telling me they want me to come to Hawaii. I also reminded her that I would only go if everything was covered. She looked at me and just said OK. Later she told me that she didn’t actually think they would say yes. I knew I was to go but didn’t have the means. I put a post on social media telling people about the offer I just received to go and that I needed help to get there. Within 12 hrs I had all the money I needed for my flight. This of course came in faster than I expected. Deb was just in shock and awe over everything.
A few days later I was on my way to celebrate the life of Loren. I can remember the feeling of privilege I had to be able to help. When I got to the YWAM campus I remember feeling that something felt so right but I couldn’t figure out what it was. I jumped right in learning about the events and trying to see where I could help. Unknown to anyone there I was looking at the families located there trying to see what it was like to serve in missions with kids, even though this is not where I was going to be. While I walked around I kept asking God where he wanted us and what it would look like. Within hours of being in Hawaii I was told about YWAM Cambodia needing some technical help and my friend gave me an open invitation to come and staff in Kona. I casually said no to both as I knew those roles weren’t right for me and my family. Deb and I kept talking on the phone as I told her what all was going on. She would ask me if I had gotten any info from God while I was down there about our future. Same response as always, I just do not know.
An hour before Loren’s paddle out ceremony, I was in one of the offices at YWAM ships. I was handing a 360 camera to one of the surfers so he could film the ceremony from the water when he asked me how I got into 360. I told him how I used to do still photography for different nonprofits around the world. I loved showing people life outside their bubbles and that was how I did it. In 2014 I learned about 360 photography and video and was instantly blown away. I knew that this was the best way to share the stories. So I started to teach myself, with a lot of trial and error. There weren’t youtube videos instructing how to do most things back then, so I was on my own. I played with all aspects of 360 but could never find anyone that was willing to utilize it. Slowly it just became a hobby and the dream faded away. Then all of a sudden Nick, the surfer, asked me, ‘Why don’t you join us?’ I was a bit shocked and caught off guard. He goes on to tell me that they started a division called Ignite with the goal of capturing stories out in the field and sharing them. 360 is something they were curious about and would love to utilize it to help recruit Medical staff for the ships. This was a way we could bring stories to churches and conventions to help raise awareness and hopefully get more people involved. My response was I have kids (silly I know). He looked at me and said ‘So do I, actually my son is coming with me in 2 weeks to the Philippines while I record some stories.’ That is when I realized that I was using them as a crutch to not step out. The conversation ended with ‘I will think about it.’
Later that day I just kept thinking back to why I fell in love with 360 photography and how I am being offered my dream. I couldn’t just say no so easily this time. I talked with Deb about it and asked her to pray. Still unsure what this would look like for my family I couldn’t say yes. I didn’t talk to anyone about it and remember feeling confused on what to do. I was walking around just talking with God some more and found myself in the coffee shop back at the YWAM campus. Out of curiosity I struck up a conversation with the person in charge of the coffee shop. I told him that I was asked to staff with YWAM ships and if I did then my wife would be there as a spousal role taking care of our kids. I was wondering if she might be able to help volunteer sometime since she knows coffee and wouldn’t want to be there just as a spouse. I informed him she has years of experience with coffee since she is a manager at Starbucks.
If only I knew what was about to happen. He told me that they have been praying for someone like my wife to come and help. This is when I found out they have been asked to open up coffee shops in seven countries and are starting their first vocational training degree in coffee shop management. They already have a business program set up so people will come to study business and leadership. After those classes they will then take classes on coffee shop management and barista skills. The current problem is that they do not have anyone with the specific skill set for coffee shop management. Those of you that know Deb, know how good she is at her training and management skills. As I sat there listening to their needs and desires, I knew this was a divine appointment. This morning I was offered a dream and right now my wife is being offered hers. I do believe I had more joy that God was offering my wife her dream more than I was offered mine. I wanted to jump up and say, YES! I left the conversation letting him know I will talk to my wife.
I instantly called Deb as I couldn’t wait to hear her reaction. When she answered the phone I said, ‘ what is your favorite part of your job?’ I couldn’t wait for her to answer as I was jumping out of my skin to tell her everything. I continued, ‘is it training your partners and watching them grow in their skills?’ Her response was something like yes that would be the best. ‘Well,’ I said, ‘how would you like to do that at a school here? You have been asked to come help write and run a school teaching people how to manage a coffee shop. They have already been asked to open in 7 countries and do not have anyone to teach that skill set.’ Basically she was in shock and awe. We talked about what the goal was and how it would look for us. The conversation left with Deb feeling unsure and overflowing with anxiety. She told me that if this was to happen then God would have to take away all her anxiety, I agreed.
The following morning I woke up to a text from Deb. It said ‘Trooper I had a dream last night that we opened up our house and had a garage sale. We literally sold everything we have. I feel so free and excited right now. Let's leave next week.’ A smile came over my face and all the thoughts of what was about to happen came flooding in. Deb and I talked about the timeline and I informed her that next week would be too soon, but more like next fall. I still wasn’t sure about leaving our community in Fargo.
Typically when an opportunity like this would come my way I would go without looking back. For the first time I find myself putting on the breaks. Do I want to leave? I love my neighbors, church, community and almost everything about Fargo. Yes I am still in awe of how much I love this place. I heard myself say that I was content and happy living in Fargo. Content, this word stood out to me. Now I do not think that there is anything wrong with it as I have spent many years trying to find a place I felt content. I also know that the Lord has called me to not be content where I was. But to continually seek for more of him and what he has to offer me.
That afternoon I dreadfully called a friend in Fargo and started sharing what all was going on in Hawaii. She told me, ‘Trooper for as long as I have known you and Deb, this is what you have prayed for. I selfishly do not want to see you go but I know you have to.’ At that moment I had to hold back my tears as I felt this heavy weight taken off my shoulders. That was the moment I felt released from all my anxiety. The next couple days in Hawaii I spent talking with families and meeting with other staff members asking questions about life with kids in YWAM. The more I asked the more I was excited.
Right before I left I was talking with a friend in YWAM leadership about what was going on. He was of course excited about everything he heard. One part really stood out to me in our talk and it was about our timeline. He gave his concerns about waiting till the fall to come on board, mainly because he did not believe this would give Deb enough time to understand YWAM culture if she is going to write curriculum. He asked us to pray about coming sooner so Deb could understand the values and operations. When I talked with Deb about this she very much agreed, so I had said alright spring will work. It will give me plenty of time to get things taken care of.
Wednesday has come and I am finally talking with Deb in person. We haven’t physically told anyone that we are going yet since we wanted to pray about it together. That night Deb went to our church prayer night and about a half hour in I got a text from her that said, ‘We are going’. So much of that prayer night confirmed things in her heart. My response was ‘I know’. Later the next day, Deb, in her quiet time with the Lord, asked Him, “why us Lord?” and God simply and graciously replied, “ because you are willing, I just need people.”
The next couple days we talked with the leadership in our church and a few friends letting them know what all was going on. They of course were sad at the idea that we are going to leave but excited for us. Saturday night came and I was still struggling with our timeline a bit. That night I did not sleep well at all. I came too at about 1am arguing with God about when we are supposed to leave. All I could hear was January, January, January. To be honest this had been in my head for a few days but kept thinking of all the things I would need to wrap up. I was talking to God telling him that I would need more time to get things together. I need to prepare everything. I need to raise money. I need to… You name it, I probably said that I needed to do it. Then all of a sudden I heard this ‘I hear a lot of I’s.’ “Alright God, I leave it to you and will take the I out of it”. Of course then I got right out of bed, went to the kitchen and started finishing up some filling and sanding on our new kitchen (this was now about 3am). That morning I told Deb about my argument as we were getting ready for church. She just shrugged her shoulders and said ‘OK’. It is now 6 weeks till we leave.
With January being the timeline, we very quickly began all the preparations to leave in a very short period of time. In the midst of all of this preparation, the doors for January were closed. Deb said she felt a little bit of relief at that moment and that she is glad we had more time to prepare and say goodbye. We both felt like this was a test, could we surrender everything, including going along with a legitimately unrealistic (in the world's view) timeline and fully trust that God will provide and go before us to do the work to pave the way? We could, but are so grateful that God is giving us a little more time with people.
So here we are, stepping out in faith for God’s provision. We are going to sell our house to pay off our debts and find people that want to walk with us on our crazy journey. We do not fully know what is in store. I do know that there will be some rough times along the way but I also know that there will be some truly unbelievably amazing things ahead.